How long can I tolerate this **** - Episode 2
It was 8:50 am in the morning and as usual, I was the first person targetted to do things for her. I had a sudden random thought to keep track of the number of times I would be called upon. So, I began drawing a strike each time she called me.
"Cheng Hyork, can you help me keep track..."
"Cheng Hyork, I need this urgently..."
"Cheng Hyork, why is this...."
"Cheng Hyork, I've just sent you a mail about..."
"Cheng Hyork, where's that report that I've been asking for...."
"Cheng Hyork, I want you to look at this now....."
"Cheng Hyork, how's the progress on....."
By lunchtime, I realised I've drawn 16 strikes on a rough paper. It's very, very frustrating that each time you're putting your thoughts on something, you get cut off and have to attend to something else altogether. And when you're trying to settle that urgent request, she comes jumping at you again to ask for more things.
Probably I look like a monster with 3 heads and 6 arms.
Actually, being micro-managed was not the main thing that I wasn't happy about. It's the number of times I got yelled at, that took a portion of the motivation away. She's stressed, but it didn't help by venting her stress out at her subordinates, because I can vouch for the huge reduction in motivation in the team.
One colleague in the team texted me to ask if I was angry, after noticing my 'black face' today. To an extent, of course I was, because I'm certainly not one who can shrug off being yelled at, on an almost daily basis. But to a greater extent, I was tolerating it, and will continue to do so, until the time is right to do something.
No prizes for guessing, the total tally of the number of strikes the entire day, was 26.
人生是黑白的.
12:31 AM <3
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How long can I tolerate this **** -- Episode 1
It was 2pm by the time we came back from lunch. We went out at 1250pm, so we took 1 hour and 10 minutes, which was much longer than the official 45-minute lunch "hour". [FYI, my longer-than-usual working hours would cover that extra time taken, much more than necessary] She was fuming mad, probably even more on seeing that we were all armed with Gong Cha, thinking that we must be enjoying lunch while she continued with her solitude stress at her desk.
"CHENG HYORK, I WANT TO SEE THE BILLING ISSUES NOW." She spoke with a stern expression. We could all guess that her blood was boiling because of our 70-minute lunch. Thankfully, I've got that document prepared before lunch. With confidence, I said "Ok" and proceeded to print the document.
She didn't manage to catch me being unprepared with the document. But, that anger build-up must go somewhere, right? So she decided to find fault with the document.
"I TOLD YOU. I WANTED THE MONTHS TO BE IN COLUMNS. AND I WANTED THE REMARKS TO BE AT THE RIGHT. WHAT IS THIS, HOW AM I GOING TO READ?"
"But it's really easier for you to read in this way."
"IT'S EASY FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONE DOING IT. AND LINES! YOU COULD HAVE PUT IN THE LINES BETWEEN EACH POINT."
I really, really, really couldn't imagine her raising her voice at me over lines/columns on an Excel sheet?! Guess what, she then picked up her pencil, and drew multiple lines across the document, to show me what is meant by "drawing lines", but ultimately just a disguise to destroy my work by striking off the work with ugly lines across the paper.
With that, she let off some steam, but I could feel myself inhaling a deep breath, in anger. I didn't take a long time to prepare that document, but I found it ridiculous.
Tolerance, yes I know. I have a stomach for it. But there's definitely a limit to it.
人生是黑白的.
11:54 PM <3
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It had been a good weekend meeting different groups of friends, and I feel alive once again. No doubt I had been asked the dreadful question of "How's work?" at every meetup, it made me ponder over the question every time. I'm not prepared to make this the platform for work-related grouses, but I'm going to channel the negative energies into positive motivation. And it shall start tomorrow.
Some people asked me if I had learnt anything from work. I really have to say that among all the things I've learnt, the most important one is that I'm now appreciating my working parents even more. In the workplace, I've had the opportunities to work alongside colleagues who're about my parents' age. I could tell how stressful these people are -- chasing deadlines, rushing reports and answering to their superiors. To them, they're working very hard for their children and home. I began to see my own parents among them -- hard at work in their respective workplaces and not even comtemplating leaving their work under any circumstances, because of the need to support the family. When these colleagues of mine spoke about their exhaustion, it almost sounded like words that my own parents could possibly be telling their colleagues too. This had prompted me to ask my parents a little more about their work, and not to take these for granted.
Yup, in fact, I'm learning a great deal from my work. Apart from the "work-related stuff", I'm also cultivating attributes like patience, control, endurance, will-power, stress management and anger management. How valuable!
人生是黑白的.
10:17 PM <3
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