Saturday, December 10, 2005
ok this is posted on friday late late night.
its very late now, and im tired. And yet i dun feel like sleeping. i duno y.
i have been chatting for 8 hours.. now entering the 9th.. i could have enjoyed a powerful and satisfying 8-hour slp, but i didnt.
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Random thoughtsi juz suddenly feel that i actually have countless fears. And if i were to list them all down, it would be a long, non-exhaustive list of fears. Fears that an 18-yr old would fear. Fears that humans fear. hai i duno. i wonder if some of them are more of a fear or more of an uncertainty. perhaps more of a fear. And just like all other humans, im fearful of failure. But i really wudn't wanna tink about failing.
"What if? what if?" Im so fond of asking myself this question. that shows my fear. my fear of someting that turns out the wrong way of wad i hoped it would be. And that's because when i do someting, i usually put in my best.. so if the results turned otherwise, it would really put me into a state of despair. i noe i should be looking at the brighter side. i always try. but it doesnt always happen. perhaps thats life.
but it would seem ridiculous for me to rattle about life. im only 18! what do i know about life? i've only juz finished college education. i haven even tasted working life. neither ns life. neither university life. neither love life. there are just so many things that await me in life. perhaps many more successes and of cos, more failures too. will i be able to face them all? how will my future turn out? i duno. no one will know. i'll be an average person that will enter the coffin at some odd years and be forgotten since. of cos i wudn't mind being that normal person, leading a normal life and dying normally..
People. People are juz like another me. people walk in and out of my life. some have long been forgotten, cleanly. others would remain, but would be gradually gone and lost, and eventually forgotten too. Everyone's just as unimportant as another. in my limited remaining years of life, how many more ppl will still enter my life, only to be forgotten again? And how many times will I enter another's life, being unimportant, and soon erased from his/her memory?
Behind every smile, there'll also be a time of sorrow, deep within. im a person who dun really like to express my sadness in front of others. mayb its bcos, i strongly feel that i should settle my own probs myself.. its about not influencing how others are feeling, just because of me. but on the other hand, i feel that joy n happiness should be passed on.. perhaps thats the answer to my own prob, cos indulging in joy n happiness can neutralise any other feelings. humans are weird. and so i am.
and yes, most of the time i feel that the world is unfair. very very unfair. some ppl enjoy more than others. tink about 1st world and 3rd world countries. tink about humans and other animals. there's no fairness in the world. and we cant do anyting about it, except just to accept your own life, your own fate and to move on with in.
We are nothing but puppets of fate. people say we can decide our own life. yet secretly somewhere, our lives have actually been arranged and decided by fate. and why is fate so unfair to everyone?
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yawnz n more yawnz.
my, its 4:05am. shudn't i be dreaming now? okok, end of sleepwalking already, and im moving to my bed already....
well, wad haf i been typing all these while? i duno wad are all that i've juz typed. im juz too sleepy to tink.. im gonna seek solace in my dreams.. bye.
人生是黑白的.
2:46 AM <3
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Friday, December 09, 2005
today had my first driving lesson, and i muz say it was a damn stressful 1.5 hours.. being a first-timer, i really had much of a problem coordinating my brain, my eyes, my both hands and both legs.. Driving is really a skill, where all 4 limbs are at work, and many times, all 4 are doing different tings..
i tink its lucky to have an uncle as an instructor lor.. cos i wun really be scolded, but that makes me very very very very embarrased.. During that 1.5 hours, i've made so many damned mistakes which can make me fail the test immediately. AND my engine DIED NO LESS THAN 10 TIMES on the roads.. WA scary. And den, whenever i c passengers crossing the road, im soooooo damn scared, cos i still cant control the car. and the ting is, the more im scared, the more i cant control and the higher the possibility of any, er ________. (dun let me type the scary word.)
so its quite a failure first lesson. i hope the skill comes with more experience..
人生是黑白的.
6:44 PM <3
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Thursday, December 08, 2005
today's quite a long day.. did quite a lot of things..
Today's schedule:1. Went comfort driving centre to collect my PDL license.. cos tmr im gonna start my first practical lesson and will start moving a real car...
2. Went Conrad hotel with ys to hand in some docs and to book a date for our first day as waiters..
3. Went TJ to collect testi with the other sabah trip ppl..
4. Went Bugis Sakae sushi to have buffet lunch with everyone.. i guess this would be the last time im dining dere as a student, and enjoying the students' rate.. perhaps i should make use of this one last month to enjoy as many students' rates as possible, everywhere...
5. Went to catch 'ru guo ai' (perhaps love). this is a musical movie, and some of the songs sung were quite nice.. the story wasnt bad too.. This was the first movie i caught after my 'A's.. quite late huh..
right right. juz let me wake up early early tmr and let me have the energy to start my jogging regime can???? i've been planning to jog so long ago and yet i always always always cant move away from the laziness within me.. START TMR!!!
人生是黑白的.
11:33 PM <3
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Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Thanks to WL, today i had a one day's job at anderson primary, to set-up computers.. from 9am to 5pm, so now feeling abit drowsy le.. actually the work isnt very very tough la, but den, i worked with my fingers for so long until they are very very close to blistering.. And i felt as though im a robot..
hMm lets see..
i opened up 106 computer cpus, took out all the hard disk.. den by the time i take out the last one, the first one is ready to be inserted in again..so its another 106 rounds.. den, still had to paste the 'property of MOE' metallic piece on every unit.. den after that, still need to adjust some settings on all the computers.. this process alone took 3 rounds, cos got 3 rounds of settings to complete for each unit... and i oso had to carry the heavy hard disks up and down and down and up 3 storeys for countless trips.. yup.. so now quite sleepy la..
but well, its good experience la.. furthermore, this is the first time im doing a PAID job lor.. the feeling of working for money is really different.. yup. this first job of mine comes really late, compared to many others who had done holiday jobs before.. and if nothing goes wrong, my second job will come pretty soon, hopefully this weekend?
人生是黑白的.
9:46 PM <3
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Monday, December 05, 2005
yeah.. today went conrad to apply for a job, with WL, CY and YS.. i guess there's not much of a prob to getting it, since the person now knows that we were once attached there, for "a few days". we juz need to call back on thurs, to confirm everyting and book slots to serve in the banquet..
but well, the ting is, i'll have to buy hair spray to cover my dyed hair.. but nvm la...
And im juz back from our own mini 'grad dinner' with YS, HP, Vin and jinhui.. i muz say the crab beehoon is damn shiok la.. and its juz a quarter of the price of the grad nite dinner, which is taking place right now at Ritz..
i tink im gonna start my exercise regime tmr ba.. actually wanted to start immediately after As, but hadnt really got the chance.. its really time to start la, especially when im gonna enlist in 1 month and 1 day's time.. sian.
人生是黑白的.
9:51 PM <3
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Sunday, December 04, 2005
ok. time to update on the much awaited Sabah trip.. 19 of us from the initial 25-strong OCIP team 2004 decided to return to the village of togudon, exactly one year after the project in 2004...
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Day 1: 29November2005, TuesdayWe met outside TJ and took vans all the way to Senai airport in johore, where we flew domestically to Kota Kinabalu (K.K)..
Reached City Park Inn, the one which we stayed last year, in the late afternoon… Then all of us set off to Centrepoint Sabah, where we wanted to check out movie listings, cos movies are damn cheap!!! 1 movie for RM 7, compared to SGD 10!!!
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Interesting Encounter #1: Ghost LiftWe’re supposed to go to the 8th floor, where the cinema is supposed to be. So, we took a lift from Level 1. All 19 of us squeezed into the lift.. Then the lift moved. We saw the screen showing the numbers changing from 1, 2, 3…all the way to 8. Then suddenly, the lift stopped. BUT the door didn’t open. Then suddenly, we saw the number changing back to 7. The lift door opened. All 19 of us rushed outside. Well, that’s scary.
The story doesn’t end here. Since we’re at level 7, we need to climb ONE level up rite? So, we headed to the nearest stairs and went up ONE floor. After we reached the level, we were shocked to realize we are actually BACK in level 1, the atrium where we first entered the shopping centre from outside. Aren’t we supposed to be at level 8? Why are we back in level 1?
Possible explanation: the lift is spoilt.
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Then it was hor-fun dinner at our favourite hawker, but we none of the hor-fun variety that we tried was tantamount to the one we ate during our previous trip last year..
On the way back to the Inn, some of us oso kena birdshit. But I was lucky enough to survive the attack..
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Day 2: 30November2005, WednesdayWe took vans from KK city to TOGUDON.. it was quite obvious that most of us were in high spirits when we stepped out from the van, into the cooling atmosphere of the mountain depths, with breathtaking scenery that greeted us immediately. YES, this is the familiar place that we vowed to return to..
Although the next few days would be a total different lifestyle from city life, where we would be living with thousands or millions of weird insects big and small, and that we would have to bathe in the sheer coldness of mountain water that numbs your skin on the first splash, and that electricity would be cut off at 9pm to leave the entire place in absolute pitch darkness, THIS is still the kind of life that I really wouldn’t mind leading. I guess the environment, the scenery, the temperature, the way of stress-free life, the night sky studded with SHOOTING stars, the friendly villagers, the unexpected tomorrow, the occasional spotting of fire-flies and everything else, are nice compensation.
In the night, we all gathered in the living room to play childhood games.. ALL in darkness, with few torchlights.. Playing ‘squeeze-hand murderer’ was really fun la, but the ting is, my clammy hands tend to invoke disgust..
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Day 3: 01December2005, ThursdayBasically today most of us are lazing around, playing cards, playing mahjong and enjoying life.. We took turns to cook meals with food that was bought up from the first day..
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Interesting Encounter #2: LockedThe guesthouse that we lived in has 5 individual rooms.. And the kids were running around.. so in order not to let them have the chance to mess around with the ongoing card games, we hid in some rooms to play and locked the door. But some rooms were vacant. So the kids went to lock one of the empty rooms, with the key still inside. Many attempts were made to open the lock using pins..
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Day 4: 02December2005, FridayThe villagers are down with us today.. they were supposed to clean up the village pre-school, something which was planned prior to our arrival. But its better for us to help them up.. so the guys went to dig a drain to improve the drainage.
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Interesting Encounter #3: Making the Situation WorseAnd so we digged on… dig dig dig.. den suddenly, it was noticed that at some point of the new drain, water kept gushing out.. So, it was concluded that one pipe was broken, resulting in a cut of water supply to the toilets and the kitchen.. This posed a very big problem to us, cos today was also supposed to be cultural party.. so we had to prepare lots of food on our part to serve the villagers.. But without water, we cant cook.. The cooking process was held up as a result… Then suddenly, there was water supply, but the colour of the water that flowed out was…BROWN.
Lesson: We suck at digging drains. Sometimes its better not to offer help.. sometimes only.
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The cultural party this year was different from last year’s, cos there wasn’t performances on both parts.. It was quite impossible to put up one, considering the time we had, and the false support given by the legendary bloody Lasimbang, someone from the sabah counterpart of SIF/YEP.
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Interesting Encounter #4: Collecting RainwaterCultural party has ended, and there was so many plates and cutlery to wash. But at this point, water supply was cut once again. Then since it was raining sooo heavily, we decided to use rainwater to wash everything. And so everyone tried to grab any big containers that could be found, and then found a spot each to collect rainwater that was dripping fast from the roof.. I must say, the process was damn fun.. cos the feeling of everyone working together for a common purpose was really great.. though many were drenched and the weather was soooo cold, the feeling was warm la. The village kids that saw us, were quite amused and they tried helping us.. Albinus, one of the kids, even tried collecting water using plastic bags and cups.. Lol. So damn cute la.
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Day 5: 03December2005, SaturdayWe had to leave the village early, so had to wake early.. after the French toast breakfast, it was cleaning up and a bit of phototaking.. After which, it was time to take a last few look at the drooling environment, before we had to say bye, perhaps forever, perhaps not. Really, I guess most, if not all, cant bear to leave la.. this place is really paradise.. and I guess only the team of us will understand wad I mean…
Some ppl suggest coming back for a 3rd time, some 4 years later…. Some suggested coming back some 6 years later.. seriously, I myself wun be putting in much hope for a 3rd trip back, cos of the great uncertainty in everyone’s future.. But still, I guess its everyone’s wish to really have a 3rd trip back to Togudon..
Back at KK city, we checked in at a backpacker’s hotel.. mayb not a hotel la, but its called a hotel anyway.. Then it was shopping for the entire afternoon, and dinner together..
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Day 6: 04December2005, SundayWent Sunday Market a few streets away, before embarking on the journey to the airport. At the airport, we presented Jimmy Wong our appreciation gift.. He owns City Park Inn and the hotel we checked in the day before, and he’s the one who arranged all our transport.. so in a way, he helped us quite a bit in our trip la… this is in absolute contrast to the legendary and bloody Lasimbang, who knows only empty talk and false hopes..
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Interesting Encounter #5: Customs CheckAt KK Airport, I bought duty-free wine for mum, cos she loves to drink it and would often get ppl to help her buy whenever they travel.. she din request me to do it la, but since I have spare cash, why not rite? And the salesgirl oso gave me the assurance that I can bring it to Singapore. Afterall, im 18++.
But at the Singapore Customs, jac and I were caught for ‘not declaring liquor’. Jac bought her share of liquor too la.. but seriously, we didn’t know we had to declare all liquor/wine FROM MALAYSIA ONLY. Diao la. What trade protectionism is this. So weird one. And it feels bad to hold up everyone at the customs, cos of all the paperwork involved. WTH. And both of us were brought into a small room, where we were told about the restrictions of liquor from Malaysia. And on top of that, we still had to PAY for the TAXES. And I thought I juz had to pay the difference between the retail price in Singapore and the price that I paid for the wine back in m’sia. BUT NO. I was slapped with a SGD 30. Using simple maths, I can conclude that the wine that I bought, was eventually MORE expensive now than if it was bought off the shelves in Singapore. WTF.
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Interesting Encounter #6: Bus Back in Singapore, I was already on my way home on public bus. After tapping the card, I sat down just behind the driver.
Driver: “Hey boy, show me your ez-link card”
I was puzzled.. Why.. Dun tell me I didn’t tap my card?
Driver: “Just show me, I wanna check.”
Fine, I reached for my pocket and opened the compartment. To my horror, the compartment was empty. OH DEAR, I must have left it at the customs check just now!
Me: “Er uncle, I tink I left it somewhere”
Driver: “Nono! Show me, its inside the wallet! If not how come you are up here in my bus?! If you don’t believe, go tap at the exit and then come back.”
I did. True enough, the reader ‘beep’ at the exit. BUT my card wasn’t in the compartment!!! Oh dear. Wads happening?
Me: “uncle, I really cant find my card in my wallet.. Why so strange..”
Its obvious the driver dun believe me. But I really cant believe how my wallet can ‘beep’ at the reader when my ez-link card’s not in dere! So I stood beside him for a full 5 mins, trying to search and search and search. Then finally, I spotted in, hidden deep inside another compartment. Wakao, how stupid can I get. So I took it out and showed the driver.
Driver: “Is this really you? I don’t believe. You must be using someone’s ez-link to pay, that’s why you are so hesitant when I asked you to show me your card.”
Im stunned. WTH la. Me? Cheat the bus fares using another person’s card? Hello, I admit I cheated many times before la, but that’s years ago. And, IM a student myself la, do I still need to cheat fares using another person’s card, when I can enjoy student fares with MY own card?
Driver: “Show me your IC!”
Me: “I didn’t bring. I can show u my passport.”
After close scrutiny, he finally returned me everything, still looking suspicious. What can I do? With a luggage in one hand, and wine in another, im already dead beat by now. I was only hoping that the suay streak ends soon.
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Some after thoughts..On the whole, I enjoyed this trip pretty much.. this time round was much much shorter than the previous one, but this trip was really a playing trip.. I tink the trip was quite well-planned on the whole, which I tink should be commendable to the main organizers, considering that there’s just sooo much to look into, and that there isn’t any teachers around to account for anyting. I muz say its generally very smooth-sailing and its definitely a successful trip.
I guess we are all really lucky enough to be able to return to Togudon and re-live the kind of carefree and laidback lifestyle that I really hoped I have.
Hopefully Togudon Episode 3 in 20XX shall be a goal, not just a dream.
人生是黑白的.
11:54 PM <3
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