Sunday, November 19, 2006
well, nothing much to update over the past week actually, just that it had been a long and tiring week.
3 weeks more and i'll be accepted as a ship crew. But that would mean that these 3 weeks would be very crucial, and i have to be extra careful with my words and actions. Furthermore, the series of upcoming assessments, which are meant to see if im really up to the ship's standard, will be the reason to stress me out over the next 3 weeks. People have high expectations of me, and all eyes will be trained on me to pick out any faults or mistakes that are deemed unacceptable when it draws increasingly close to the end of OJT.
Frankly speaking, i always have this 'performance anxiety', as it is called. It refers to this anxiety to perform well, at big major assessments which can make-or-break. Academically, it had always been there to haunt me, as the thought of doing badly at big national exams will affect so much. Not just academically, though. As long as there are instances when im tasked to do something well, be it anything so long as there are expectations by people, the stress generated would usually make me perform less-than-ideal. Yes, most of the time.
And performance anxiety had even found its way into my Navy life. I remember how it was like when i went sailing about 2 weeks ago. Being asked to man the radar system and make constant reports, PLUS having to multi-task at least 3 other jobs simultaneously, PLUS under the close scrutiny of the officers and my chief, i felt the immense stress. With that, my performance became, erm, quite expectedly bad, so i got screwed rather badly. No, screwed VERY badly.
With assessments coming one by one over the next 3 weeks, i reckon that performance anxiety will haunt again. And yet there's no prevention, nor cure. And so it all depends on my instinctive actions and reflexes, and the way i'll react to each unique challenge. This makes it all seem so uncertain and complicated.
Weird is, deep down i know everything will be alright. And that i'll get through all that unscathed.
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My top 3 songs over the past week:
1. (-) Perhaps Love ("Princess Hours" theme song) [Howl + J]
2. (-) 梁山伯与朱丽叶[曹格 + 卓文萱]
3. (-) 怎么办 [S.H.E]
人生是黑白的.
7:17 PM <3
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