I miss Imos.
I want December to come quick.
I felt so lost. Today i asked myself these questions:
Why am i here?
Who are these people?
How will they treat me?
Will i enjoy?
Will i integrate into them one day?
How long more must i be in this?
Perhaps i can only answer them some months later.
My first day, out of about another 390, onboard the ship wasn't too bad, perhaps cos its just the first day, and everyone else seemed to be busy enough to ignore me. But i'll be confined for the next 3 days, understudying duty for 2 nights. Subsequently, out of the next 8 weeks, i'll be doing around 20 duties, including many weekends. Sian right.
And, i think this system sux lor... you see, for the months of Oct and Nov, i'm understudying duties, which means i'll be tagging along people doing actual duties, and the work is not much less than what the actual is. I can accept that the 20 understudy duties don't count towards the 'duty points system', but i can't accept that i am OWING actual duties that i've not done for Oct and Nov. Assuming everyone must complete 5 points for each month, it would mean that im still owing a good 10 points, even after doing 20 understudy duties... Isn't this too calculating? Im suggesting they count understudy duties as 1/2 of actual ones, how about that? Doing 2 understudy = 1 actual. Isn't this more fair????
But anyway, im quite touched by the way our SI and course comd handed us over to our new ship posting. it really goes to show how much the tc valued us, and that we are not to be treated lightly, even as OJTs. I genuinely appreciated that. Then hor, we were all so anxious before the handover. Its really the kind of feeling that you-know-you-are-gonna-die-soon-but-duno-how. And i became the first to die. Ok la, actually its not that bad, cos not all the ship crew are murderers. there are some angels around, and so far, im still comfortably out of the way of the killers..
And i thought my Chief Nav is good, cos he told me by right i was supposed to start confinement tonight, but he wanted me to go home and "PREPARE MENTALLY" first. Ok, i don't know if there are any hidden meaning, but even if so, well, i'm left with no chance oso right, so better don't think so much about it.
nothing much to update, cos really, i've yet to see most of the actual things. And oh, my first task was actually damn challenging. I have to remember ALL the 50+ crew onboard the ship. The Rank+Name+Appointment. That's sooo hard when they're all walking around and when you manage to remember one face, moments later, you see another one who looks like the previous, and you get it all confused. By the time lunch ended, I managed to memorise the face of some 10 people, but then, due to information overload in my brain, by the time the day ended, my mind went blank already. Don't belittle what information overload does to your brain...guess what, immediately after dinner, i can be so blur to walk to the rice cooker and almost scoop rice once again.
Hopefully the rest of the guys are doing well! We've been keeping contact via sms-es, and im glad to know there are people in this, with me.
人生是黑白的.
7:31 PM <3
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